Before attending nearly 300 fundraisers later in the day, Hillary Clinton emerged from a meeting with strategists armed with a new focus and vigor on a variety of issues. Many political analysts expected a re-branding after recent gains made by Sen. Bernie Sanders, and a general lackluster show of crowds at public events.
Former; First Lady, distinguished Senator from New York, Secretary of State, and current WWE Intercontinental Champion, Hillary Clinton took the podium to answer questions from reporters. Here is a small excerpt from the exchange, in which she explains her priorities going forward.
Reporter: "Scott Windex, of Streaky Windows Observer, Recent polling shows you are still struggling to attract independents, especially men, how do you think you can make inroads with this demographic?"
Candidate Clinton: "Well Scott, I'm really glad you brought that up. Since the beginning of this campaign, I've only tried to do two things; figure out what is important to the American People, and raise a shit load of money. Listening and stackin paper, ya mean?"
Reporter: "Richard Trickle of Yellow Stream Examiner, You've been talking about an economy for the future, is that still your main concern?"
Award Winning Hot Dog Vendor Clinton: "Richard, what a fantastic question. After much thought, the economy isn't really sexy or interesting anymore. I've decided to change course and support the Free the Nipple Campaign. Celebrity nipples are always near the top of trending topics, and I've always thought my nipples (Elanor Roosevelt and Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis) have a lot to offer to the American Public. Therefore, starting today, I will only be appearing where my nipples and all American nipples, gay or straight, are welcome on display. Thank you everyone, that will be all for today."
Mrs. Clinton, former free diving world record holder, abruptly turned from the podium, at which point released her nipples to the the press corp and sang an A Capella rendition of God Bless America.