Thursday, June 18, 2015

Inspired by success of Game of Thrones, Republican Party abandons current nomination process in favor of Jousting Tournament.



Noted Game of Thrones fan and head of the Republican National Committee, Reince Priebus announced plans to ditch the current nomination process in favor of a 12 person jousting tournament. 

"With the announcements of Mr. Bush and Mr. Trump's candidacy, we finally have the requisite number of participants for a decent tournament." Priebus shouted way too loud for a face to face conversation.

The round robin, double elimination nomination tournament will be held in 4 separate 1 hour prime-time events.  Perspective candidates will each be squired by a Lobbyist from the Oil and Gas Industry.  All battles will end when a candidate surrenders, at which point he or she must register for Obama Care.  

The abandonment of the current nomination process is a response to try and attract millennials and those who support all litigation to be resolved by combat.  Undecided voter and taxidermist apprentice, Randy Swollens remarked, "I think this is the best thing to happen to the GOP since Karl Rove dabbled in webcam striptease shows."

Sen. Rand Paul from Kentucky had this to add. "They say love is a battlefield, and I love the free market; therefore I welcome the opportunity to show my love for the undeniably sexy Free Market by destroying these false prophets and RINOs."

Vladimir Putin plans to file paperwork with the Federal Election Commission about his intent to register for the tournament.

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