Thursday, June 18, 2015

God who had Cavs in 7 Smites J.R. Smith and turns him into a Pillar of Salt for Eternity



Following the Golden State Warriors victory over the Cleveland Cavaliers in 6 games, The omnipotent deity of the Judeo-Christian religion turned Cleveland player J.R. Smith into a solid pillar of salt.  God who had been sitting at Shooters in the Cleveland's Flats district during Game 6 appeared on the verge of fire and brimstone as Smith continued to brick open looks and contested 22 foot jumpers.

"I mean can you fucking believe this guy?" God bellowed as Smith barely managed to hit the backboard after an ill advised contested fade away. "You can give a sentient being the illusion of free will, and these are the asinine shots you're putting up? For Son's sake, bench him Blatt."  He continued " I was getting 12-1 with Cavs in 7, it seemed like a no-brainer.  I mean people said it was miracle Dellavedova could contain Curry, who do you think was responsible for that?"

Witnesses say God who slammed down a bottle of his own fermented blood as the clock hit 0, stormed out murmuring apparent curses and hexes on all of Cleveland's professional sports team.

Current salt pillar J.R. Smith can now be found standing in his backyard as a herd of deer lick him into oblivion.

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